Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Mailbox I send my letters in? It's the one ON FIRE!

Heyyyyyy Kids! It's Open Letter time again! Yaaaayyyy!

(But really Boooooo! Because these are always written to ASSHOLES!)

Dear Crazy Bitches,

Why Ya'll gotta be trippin'? And if Ya'll MUST trip the fuck out, can it at least be kept away from my friends and loved ones? ... No? No you can't do that for me? Ah. Well then. Fuck you. Fuck you so very very much.

Crazy Bitch the first, the bitch of last season, the bitch who I had to keep a LID on my raging hate-on for MONTHS before mentioning at all. Why the wait you ask? Because your shitstorm swirled so massively out of proportion that you got the fucking LAW involved. That's right. The law. The po-po. The friendly men in blue. Was there any need for them? No. No there was not. Did you bring them in anyway? Of COURSE you did. Because nothing says "I'm stable and you should give me my way" like FALSE RAPE ACCUSATIONS!

Jesus weeping blessed Christ on a buttered biscuit! There is a thing we have in the sane corners of the world called ENOUGH SHAME TO NOT DO THAT SHIT! What you claimed to have happened? That is serious SERIOUS shit. That is not something you "cry wolf" over just because you're feeling pissy. That is something so horrible and life-changing and unthinkable that I should slap you into next week just for THINKING about putting your crazy lying ass on the same level as real suffering victims. Victims who get doubted and second-guessed JUST BECAUSE of shit like what you pulled! This is why we can't have nice things!

Crazy bitch the second, bitch who is both old and new at the same time. Seriously? Fucking seriously? The nicest, humblest, most giving person I've ever met on the world wide internet is "truly evil" and you suffered for eight years in an "abusive relationship" with her? Can you hear what you are saying? Can you SMELL the bullshit as it tumbles out of your mouth?

It's like I went to bullshit Vegas and sat down to play a few rounds on the bullshit slots. I pulled your lever and... DINGDINGDINGDING! You've won the bullshit jackpot! Have all the bullshit ever in a glorious cascade of suck! WHEEEEEEEE! Fertilize the whole world, kid! Twice! You've got MORE than enough of this to spread around!

Seriously. Shut it. I'm up to my knees in this shit now.

With absolutely no love at all,

A very disgruntled me.


  1. Whoa! That definitely a three-alarm fire at the mail box...but it was a fine rant. Hope things are getting better. Hugs.

  2. I have to say that you have a brilliant way with words! I know way more about the first Bitch than I want to as she tried to involve me in the shitstorm as well. I didn't get hit by the splatters as badly as some did in the ensuing drama-fest and I wish none of you had gotten hit either. Especially the accused...that was simply uncalled for and did some serious damage!

    I know about the second Bitch...and wow, what a crazy nutjob that one is. I know I refer to myself as being insane but this Bitch truly is absolutely batshit fucking nuts.

    I hope that the Karma Truck (TM) hits them both and turns them into cosmic road pizza.